Even Though, Like Knives, We Lie
by forbrighterdays
Summary: It's prom, and even though he loves her, Nate Archibald knows that Blair Waldorf will be a free spirt when she wants to, but she'll always be his if she desires it, and that's why he has to let her go. NB.


Okay, this is basically the kind of break up I'm praying for between NB because I will seriously be crushed if we get anything less than what we deserve. I started writing this before Blair decided she wasn't moving into the apartment, so the stuff about that had to be kept it. I think that's basically it though on the Author's Note front. Oh, but wait, there's a companion piece to this (this is a one-shot) that should be coming out by next week ish? We'll see. :)

Dedicated to Fatimah, because she beta'd and was the force that helped me finish this tonight (even though she didn't know it). And Alex, who gave me the ideas for a title. ;)

ENJOY!

-----

Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald were on their way to the Constance Billard-St. Jude's Senior Prom in a horse drawn carriage; just like she had always wanted. Nate had booked it for her because anything that made her happy made him happy as well. And he loved seeing her take her place on the carriage bench like royalty because really, she was.

"Thank you so much for this, for everything, really." Blair said as she pressed her lips against Nate's in the back of the carriage. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Anything for you." He whispered, breathing in the fresh coconut sent of her hair.

Blair just giggled, she pulled away from him, still grinning. "Are you just saying that because you're hoping to get some post-prom action tonight?" She whispered suggestively.

"Dammit!" Nate exclaimed. "How could you see through me so clearly?"

"I always know exactly what's on you're mind." She smiled as she kissed him again.

"Oh really?" he questioned. "What am I thinking right now?"

"Hm..." Blair said, putting her finger to her lip like she was thinking. "I think you're thinking about me naked."

"Wrong." He laughed. "I was think about just ditching this prom so I could take you now."

"Oh, right. How could I have been so wrong?" She rolled her eyes.

"Mr. Archibald; we've arrived." The coach driver called from the front, and sure enough, they had.

Nate jumped down from his seat and onto the road, turning around to hold his hand out for Blair to climb down.

"My lady." He said as he kissed her hand.

"Oh thank you, kind sir." She laughed, looping her arm through his.

-----

The decorations inside the ballroom were magnificent to say the least, even Blair had to say the prom committee had done an amazing job.

They danced the night away to the sounds of the band playing and their classmates getting high on their last nights of high school and the joints they continuously smoked from.

Blair divided her time easily, spending the slow songs dancing in the arms of Nate and the fast songs going crazy with Serena, on the exception of a few, where she danced with Nate in a way her mother and the cotillion teacher certainly would not have approved of.

Once the band went on a break, Serena dragged an unwilling Blair up to the ladies lounge so that they could freshen up and talk without having to scream over the loud music, but she was taking far too long for Blair, who just wanted to get back down to the party so she could spend more time with Nate. She told the blond girl she was leaving, but there wasn't a declaration of prohibition, so she left without another word. As she exited the tall pine doors she found herself face to face with the devil reincarnated.

"Mmh, Waldorf, you're looking exceptionally ravishing tonight. Having a nice prom?" Chuck asked suggestively, standing in front of the door out to the upper lobby of the ballroom, the only one the damn ladies lounge had.

Blair huffed a breath of annoyance and crossed her arms. "Yes, I've been having a fabulous prom. Now, if you'd move, I'd like to get back to it."

She moved to push through the block he had created at the door with his body.

"Ooh, so she's feisty."

"Not feisty, definitely not for you. I'm pissed that you won't get the hell out of my way."

"Why, so you can get back to Nate? What's he ever held for you? I never understood that. he's boring, and you're lively. You need someone that can keep up with you and present you with a challenge, not someone who's just along for the ride. He's only back with you because he couldn't get any out of Vanessa."

"Ha," Blair couldn't help but trill. "You really do say anything just to make yourself feel better. Nate dumped the Brooklyn trash because she wasn't the girl for him. Luckily, there was a better deal on the market at the time Nate became single. We're very happy together."

Chuck scoffed.

"Again, believe whatever you want. I just love how you're on first name terms with our Brooklyn friend though. I almost forgot the two of you had a thing going on for a while. That's really sweet. Heartbreak sex."

"No, not really," Chuck contradicted. "We were just both available. She seemed to be thoroughly satisfied, although I can't blame her. Most women feel my experience greatly overshadows anything dear Nathaniel might bring to the table."

"That's it, get the hell out of my way, Bass. I'm tired of your snarky comments. Nate and I are finally back to how we were before everything started to get so screwed up. No thanks to you." She stated pointedly.

"You know, I really don't think that you want me to let you go back to your _perfect _prom as much as you're letting on."

"Well I'm pretty sure that I do. Seriously, just let me by. You can torment the next person that comes out of the lounge. I'm done with you and I have been for a while now. Leave. Me. Alone."

"No, you know, I really don't think you want me to let you get back to your perfect evening."

"Oh Waldorf, there's no way in hell you'd want to get back to your snooze fest with _Natie_."

"That just shows how well you _don't _know me. I've had a great time with Nate, you're the only thing that has ruined my prom so far, so just get the fuck out of my way. Please, go grace someone else with your presence and let me go? I'm done with you."

"Fine," He settled, taking a step back from the doorway to let her pass.

Blair walked by him, scoffing as she went. But before she could completely exit the perimeter, he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. His lips met hers in a rage of fury. He pulled her in tighter, never wanting to let go. Blair pushed and pulled to try to get away, but his unfounded strength kept her exactly where she was; until she gave into the kiss and just surrendered because it was so much easier than fighting him in the first place.

In the eyes of the two in the wrong, there wasn't a soul to be found in the quiet upper lobby. Although, a mere twenty feet away, hidden in the dark shadows of the night, stood a dumb founded and saddened Nate Archibald.

He stood there, watching, waiting, praying that she would come to her senses and pull away, but that didn't happen until footsteps were heard coming from the staircase up. He fled the scene, not sparing her a fleeing glance, down the stairs and back to the loud noises of the band who had come back from their break.

Nate stayed in his hidden spot, waiting for Blair to come out of the lounge. No doubt fixing her makeup and making sure her hair was as perfect as it had been before she left. Once she exited the door he waited a few seconds before pretending to come out of the men's lounge adjacent to the one she had just come from.

"Blair!" He exclaimed.

She spun around, if he wouldn't have known any better he would have said she looked paranoid. As soon as she saw him though, she let out a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Hey sweetheart." He said, walking over to her. "Can we go outside and... talk? Just for a few minutes."

"Yeah, sure." Blair responded, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the stairs. "Let me grab my shawl first though."

-----

Nate led the way to an outdoor courtyard, pulling her to a remote section of stone where no one would easily sneak up on them.

"Blair, this isn't working." Nate said once he'd found a place to talk. A solemn look was plastered over his features.

"What isn't working?" She replied, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

"This, us, you and me."

"What are you talking about? We're fine. I haven't been this happy in a really long time."

Nate took a deep breath, "Blair. Don't lie."

"What the hell are you talking about, Nate?" She questioned as her eyes searched his for an answer she couldn't seem to grasp.

"I saw the two of you together earlier. You and Chuck." He stated in a defeated voice.

Blair wasn't sure which part of the whole encounter Nate had seen, but she was sure that whatever it was hadn't looked good at all. Why couldn't she have stayed with Serena in the bathroom. It's not like she'd really had anywhere else to go. Sure, Nate was waiting, but she would have gladly made him wait all night so that she could have dodged her confrontation with the devil. Which, of course, Nate had seen anyways.

"Nate..." She whispered, throwing her body into his and resting her head on his chest. She honestly wasn't sure what to say.

"Like I said," Nate muttered, carefully detaching himself from her. "This just isn't working."

"Yes it is!" Blair cried. She could feel her eyes welling up and she hated that of all nights for a breakup, her's and Nate's was happening during Prom. Their SeniorfuckingProm, where they were supposed to have a good time dancing and enjoying each other's company while they were with their friends, but an even better time that night when she'd have him all to herself and she would be all his. This wasn't part of the plan, but of course, none of it really was.

"I love you." She breathed, knowing it was more true now than it had ever been before. They'd been through so much in recent times, and at this moment she honestly couldn't see herself being happy, truly, completely happy, with anyone else but him.

Nate shook his head. "You might love me, but you can't deny that you still want him." He said simply.

"No I don't! He wants me, but I love you, I always have." She cried out, grabbing for his hands and trying to convey how much she really meant what she had said. How she would always love him. She'd never stop.

"Blair, please, stop it." He said, closing his eyes and looking up to the black night sky. "You obviously still have feelings for him. It's not like you pulled away, and the Blair Waldorf that I _know _loved me would have been ecstatic that I bought an apartment for us to share, but when you finally saw it, _after_you spent the night spying with Chuck, all you did was bitch about the location and ask why I'd bought it. That's all you've done with the place since we moved in. That's not like you at all, and I think I finally figured out why you were suddenly so upset about the idea of us living together, it's Chuck. He's still got you right where he wants you, so tell me, what happened with the two of you the night that you and I should have been enjoying our first night in the apartment together?"

"It was nothing," she said, lowering her eyes from his gaze and slightly cowering away from his body.

"Blair," he said softly. "The way I see it now is that we're done. There's something about you now and it's totally unlike the Blair I've fallen in love with. You're different, now more than ever. I never wanted you to change, I've always wanted you just the way you were, but I'd at least like to be able to understand why you've so suddenly changed into someone I don't recognize. You're not as happy as you used to be, not when we dated last year and not during this relationship. You never seem to want to be around me anymore, and I don't want to keep you down anymore, I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. This time we can part as friends, because really, all I need is you in my life."

----

"And now, we'd like to call everyone back into the main ballroom as we crown this year's Prom King and Queen!"

"Come on," Blair said, wiping the tears from her eyes and loosely lacing her fingers in his.

"Blair, I don't want to go back in there." Nate said, holding his ground as she tried to drag him towards the door.

"Please, Nate, just for me. You've got what you wanted, the least you could do is come back in with me to see if we got King and Queen."

"I wouldn't feel comfortable, going inside and facing all those people. I'm done with this place, I'm done with tonight."

"Nate." She pleaded. "If you're worried about going back in there after what's just happened with us, don't be. We'll let it be known that we broke up tomorrow, after all the after prom parties are done and everything, if that's still what you want. Can we just pretend everything is okay right now though? Just until we get home. I'll pack my bags and get my driver to bring me back to Eleanor's. Can we please just finish having the prom I always wanted us to have?"

His resolve had crumbled at the first words that came out of her mouth. Her determination would carry her to the very end, he was sure of it. Somehow though, hearing her rationalize the break up and their plans for how to tell people and when she would move out made the whole situation more final, and permanent, and horrible. He had initiated this, yes, but the fact that it was really happening was still overwhelming.

They entered the ballroom together, trying to pretend as best as they could that everything was alright. No one seemed to notice anything was amiss in their favorite couple's behavior, but the crowd was mostly looking forward to seeing who had been awarded the coveted King and Queen positions.

"This year's Prom Queen is... Blair Waldorf!" Mrs Queller announced, starting the applause for everyone.

Blair tried to look happy, but she didn't want to leave Nate behind to go receive her crown for the fear that he might leave.

He seemed to know what she was scared of as well, because he placed his happy smile on his face as well, bringing her hand up to kiss it. He pulled her into her arms and whispered into her ear, "don't worry, I'll be here when you get back."

Blair pulled away to look him in the eye.

"Can you promise me that?" She questioned.

Nate leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"Yes," he smiled. "Now go up and get your crown, Queen Blair."

She started walking away, gently pulling her fingers out of his grasp. She departed by giving him her first genuine smile of the night.

Penelope placed the crown on Blair's head, trying to gain her place in the spot light as well.

Blair's speech quieted the whole room, but she was distracted the whole time, only one face really stood out in the crowd. Just like he'd promised, he still hadn't left.

The St. Jude's principal took the microphone then, getting ready to present the Prom King.

"And now, I present to you, the young man who won by a landslide... Your 2009 King; Nate Archibald.

Cheers and applause ensued, Nate wasn't too thrilled about the win anyways. He hadn't done any campaigning for it, but when you were Nate Archibald, the King position was completely guaranteed.

Nate approached center stage, but before his crown could be placed atop his head, Blair had thrown herself into his arms. She was ecstatic that he had won, garnering a few more warranted minutes in his company where she could pretend that her life was completely perfect. Once they reached the apartment later that night she knew he would start pulling away; he already was.

The words of the school administrators and the cheers of her class were all a blur as the band started playing a slow ballet for them to celebrate their success.

They took their place at the center of the dance floor, rocking gently to the tune of the music. He held her tight and she held him even tighter.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

"No," Blair replied, burrowing her face into his chest.

"I'm sorry; I really am."

"I'm not in the mood to talk right now. Just hold me, okay?"

"Alright." He said, and he did, for the rest of the night.

-----

When they arrived at the apartment after a virtually silent ride home, Blair began packing her stuff immediately. Neither of them really had much left to say, so he left her to get all of her things out of the bedroom by herself, waiting for the all clear. He wasn't exactly sure of the atmosphere surrounding his soon-to-be ex, and he didn't want to chance pissing her off.

Once Blair had packed the few bags she had been gradually transporting from her penthouse to the apartment, she made her accomplishment clear by storming into the living room, suddenly extremely angry at Nate and Chuck and herself and the whole situation.

"If you're doing this because you honestly think it's best for me then you're really fucking clueless." She said pointedly, throwing the last of her bags on the the floor beside the door.

"No, I really think this is the right thing to do." He told her simply.

"I still think it's stupid." She replied, stubborn as ever. As soon as she walked out of the door, it was over.

"It's really not. I'm letting you be you. From now on you won't have to worry about me dragging you down or boring you or whatever. You can go and hang out with people who like doing exactly what you like to do. People who will spy and scheme all day long with you. And hey, we were thinking this would be a like a long distance relationship anways, so it's a good thing you can be free and single for the summer."

"God dammit Nate, you know you don't bore me. chuck was just saying all those things to get to me. And I don't give a fuck about being single over the summer or ever. I know I want to be with you, so really, what's the point?"

"The point is that even though you might want to be with me, you're still thinking about him. You can't deny it, and you can't say you don't want him too because when he went in for the kiss you sure as hell didn't hold back or push him away."

"Would you believe me if I said that I was upset, and lacking in better judgement? I'd had a little bit too much to drink and the fact that Serena was taking so effing long in the bathroom really annoyed me. I didn't do it in spite of you or us and-"

"It's okay," he cut in. "If you were wonder how I felt about you kissing him and the whole conversation and everything; it's okay. It was kind of inevitable anyways."

"No, it's not okay and we are sure as hell not inevitable." She snapped.

"Blair, sweetheart, right now, the two of you really are. I don't know when it changed but we're really not the couple everyone is rooting for right now. The general consensus vote is basically you and Chuck."

"Well people these days are disturbed."

He laughed, nodding his head with the statement.

"At least we still have Gossip Girl on our side." Blair giggled. "She'll probably be the most torn up about this break up of anyone." She added somberly.

"We can still be friends, Blair. This isn't going to be like our last break up. I just think you need some time to explore whatever you and Chuck may have or whatever you still have. It can't be ignored. I'll be here if you still want me when you get sick of him. And then when you've fully gotten him out of your system we can be together again. I promise."

Blair nodded, tearing up. She guessed that if she were to look at it from Nate's perspective, everything would have made perfect sence, but she just didn't want to. She'd rather think that she was being treated horribly unfair for no reason. She didn't want to have to part with him again though, not after spending a whole year without being about to hang out with him and share jokes and funny stories.

"Okay, so promise me this then. Whenever I get done with whatever lucky guy I end up dating next, if you have a girlfriend you'll dump her on the spot as soon as I tell you I'm done trying to 'find myself' or whatever you're making me do."

"Well...." Nate began, feigning uncertainty. He quickly dropped the act though when a look of misery swept over Blair's face. "That won't be a problem anyway because I'm going to take a break from dating. I don't think there are many girls out there like the one I'm looking for. The girl I want is pretty unique."

Blair smiled, but it wasn't the smile that she usually reserved only for him. It was a smile of uncertainty, one he wasn't very used to seeing on her because Blair Waldorf always knew what was ahead.

"Nate, are you sure you have to do this?" She asked.

Nate nodded his head. "Yeah, I do. I really think it's for your own good; you'll see."

Blair scoffed. "We just got back together though, and things have been so great."

"I know," he said, reaching out to take her hand. "But knowing us, there will be plenty more times where everything is great. It'll all be okay. I really think so."

"I just don't understand the need to break what isn't broken." She sighed stubbornly. She wasn't fully letting go of him until he explained his crazy rational to her in the best way possible.

"I already told you, I know that you still have some kind of feelings for Chuck, I'm not stupid, or mad, for that matter. I just want you to get whatever you have with him out of your mind so that when we're together again I dont' have to worry about anything getting in the way of us. I love you Blair, and I want to be with you forever, but I love you enough to know that you need to do more than just be with me."

She started crying in that moment. Unyielding, uncontrollable sobs that she couldn't suppress. If wasn't fair for her to put him through this, but he still loved her all the same.

"Hey, hey; it's okay. You're okay." He said, wrapping his arms tightly around her petite frame as he gently stroked her hair, trying to help her calm down.

"Thank you," she sniffed, referring to more than one thing that he had done for her, trying to regain some composure before walking out of the apartment for the last time in a while.

Once her emotional outbreak was over, she leaned her head up and kissed him firmly on the lips. She wripped her harms tightly around his torso and they stood, there in the middle of the almost empty living room, holding each other as tightly as they could.

"I love you." She whispered. She played with his hair and tried to let out a carefree laugh. It didn't work; she could tell and so could he.

"I love you, too." He mumbled into her hair.

As he held her, pressing his lips into the top of her head, she let one silent tear cascade down her face.

"So I guess this is goodbye." Blair squeaked, getting rid of the line of water that had made a trail down her cheek.

"Blair, it's only goodbye as long as you want it to be." He reminded her, trying to keep a happy face on for her benefit.

"I know, it's just... I don't know. It's just hard to think about it, you know?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean."

"Well, I guess I should be going now." She said reluctantly, making her way to the bags near the door. She'd used up all her extra time. She really did need to get out of here. Maybe Serena would be up for a drink.

He hesitated in helping her with her bags, but at the perfect moment her driver knocked on the door and took Nate's duty as he whisked the bags out of the room, leaving two broken souls in the room with nothing left to serve as a distraction to the inevitable.

"I'll see you." He whispered uncertainly.

She nodded sadly, taking one last sweeping look over the place, and the boy, she didn't deserve to have. Then she closed the door on the apartment, and her promised future, and her heart; all in one motion.

Slam.

-----

(: For an unoriginal review, here you go: "Great story, Jordan, I looooved it! :D"  
kthanks!


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